Sunday, October 30, 2005

A Class Act

So, I've been doing stand-up comedy for almost a year now. Granted it's mostly been 5 minute "open-mic" bursts of comedy one night, every other week but, hey ... it's still comedy. I've performed at different clubs, but my "home club", as it were (where I started and where the bulk of my performing has been), is The Loony Bin Comedy Club in Little Rock, Arkansas.

Since I've been doing this, I've met a LOT of comedians. A few were a bit stand-offish to us "open mic"-ers. After all the sets are done and the crowd is leaving, we'll generally stand around and sort of do a "post game" wrap up. Those of us who are marginally serious about doing comedy as a career find this is usually the best time to actually talk briefly with the people who have actually MADE a career out of it. We'll go up to the Feature Act or the Headliner after the show, joke about the crowd, compliment them on having a good set ... whatever. What we're really doing is semi-sorta sucking up to these people, trying our best to get some pearl of wisdom from them about either the comedy craft or the business or both.

Like I said, some of them bristle at our awkward attempts at conversation about comedy. Others, however, welcome the fact that those of us dipping our big toes in the comedy pool to test the waters want to know what it's like when your swimming in the deep end. Generally the comedians who are approachable and friendly are of two types:

  • the ones who have been in the business a while and can appreciate the fact that there are those of us enrolling into a new "Freshman" generation of comedians because we're keeping (or trying to keep) this art form from fading away (... live comedy, I mean. You'd be purprised how many crowds I've seen that act like they are watching us on television when we're on stage, but I digress).
  • the others are the ones who are just out of the gate in the business and can freshly recall when they were, not too long ago, in our shoes.

One of the comedians I've had the great pleasure to conversate with was Kelly Moran. Granted, you may or may not have heard of him, so here's a brief bio, lifted shamelessly from his own website:

Kelly Moran is a nationally touring comedian with over 19 years of experience. He not only headlines most venues, he has also worked with many different performers including Chris Rock, Dana Carvey, Richard Lewis, Dave Attell (from Comedy Central's "INSOMNIAC"), Bobcat Goldthwaite and Carrot Top. He also had an 18 month tour with another Saturday Night Live alum, Victoria Jackson. His comedy career started out by playing piano at L.A.'s famed Comedy Store, where he played for more than two years. He tickled the ivories for such great performers as Jim Carrey, Eddie Murphy, Robin Williams, Bruce Willis, Louie Anderson, Damon Wayans, Paul Rodriguez, Richard Pryor, Garry Shandling, Bob Saget and many, many more. After educating himself at the "Store", Kelly went off on his own and carved his own niche on the comedy circuit, where he has been recognized as one of the top stand up comedians touring today.

The guy has been around.

Which was why I was actually really thrilled that he talked with me as long as he did (for 20 minutes, or so, after the show ... the club people were really wanting us to leave). Being a recovering musician myself, I've always had a facination with musical comedians. I asked him about playing the piano at the Comedy Store and rubbing elbows with many of the comedians listed above. You have to think, he was there when quite a few of them started. Who wouldn't want to hear some first hand anecdotes and early shenanigans about Jim Carrey or Robin Williams?

He asked me how long I had been at the comedy thing. He comlimented me on my set. He said he could tell when some comedians "have it" and who "don't". He said I "have it", and I need to keep working at it to continue to "get it". He was really the first comedian I talked to who, in as much, gave me the big thumbs up. I thought it was very cool of him to even go out of his way, cut into his time, to even talk. Then Mr. Moran told me he was co-owner of a comedy club in Amarillo, Texas. When I had an audition tape (a video of my performaces, which I finally have) to send, he told me to fire one his way.

He was a helluva guy. He was a funny guy. He had class. I truly feel privilaged to share a stage with him, even if it was just one night and I was only up there for 5 minutes.

Kelly Moran was found dead this past Tuesday in his home in Amarillo.

Shit...

My sincere condolences to Kelly's family and friends.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

We've lost Red Six...

Sad news today. William Hootkins has died. Oh, you might know him by a few other names.

Like Jek Porkins (Red Six) from Star Wars: (Ep IV, A New Hope).

or...

The "bureaucratic fool", Major Eaton, from Raiders of the Lost Ark

or...

Lieutenant Eckhart, from Batman

He was a helluva character actor that made his way into several of my favorite films (and a small, walk-on part in a second season Blackadder epidose ["Great booze up, Edmund!"]).

R.I.P. Porkins

Friday, October 21, 2005

Good Television - Part 4: Guilty Pleasures

Ah, yes ... the "guilty pleasures". Everyone has them. The television shows that you love no matter what. Those shows that you just have fun watching. You know the ones. Nowadays, for many people it's normally some sort of "reality tv". Well, yeah, there's (sort of) a little bit of that in there with me. I've peeped my fair share of "reality tv". Hell, at one point, I was selected by a major network, flown to beautiful, sunny Burbank, California for a week because someone, somewhere thought I should've been on a "reality" show. Not all these shows featured below are "reality tv", but they are shows that I just have a ball watching for one reason or another. Also, the best part about this particular catagory is there's really no right or wrong show to pick. Everyone has their favorites. If mine are on your list, then cyber back me a big high five. If mine aren't on your list, then pimp out the show that is! It's a free for all!

Time to start the ballroom blitz!

Iron Chef -- Ever since I saw Kaga Takeshi take a bite out of that bell pepper in the show's opening sequence I was hooked. When I saw the episode where the secret ingredient was octopus and the Iron Chefs were picking them, live mind you, out of the the big ass tank and beating the living crap out of them to cook them, I was a disciple. It's not quite the show to glean recipies off of, but it is a helluva thing to watch. I mean, having only an hour to prepare gourmet dishes on the fly? That's impressive no matter what country it's from. Oh, and speaking of that, I do prefer the original Japanese version of the show. I liked the American version to be sure, but the original Japanese version is the best. Those Chef's get nuts. I mean, you'd never get Fish Ice Cream on the American version. That's just awesome!

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart -- Laugh out loud funny. All of it. Filed directly under "Stuff I Should Have Come Up With When I Had Access To Raw News Feeds And A Television Studio", TDS is without a doubt a "do not miss" show for me (surprise, surprise). I've watched this show unerringly from the first episode back when Craig Kilborn hosted. Then Jon Stewart perfected it. Heck, even reporting what he calls "the fake news" has wierdly thrust Jon into the realm of quasi-punditry. The multiple Emmy's (and a Peabody Award) Jon and the show has earned give well-deserved credibility to, what I consider, one of the best social commentary shows on the air today. The hilariously brilliant, scathing "reporting" (i.e. comedy) on the national and world news events is partly one of the reasons Dangerously Accurate Opinions was even born. Television gold, baby. Sweet, sweet television gold!

Real Time with Bill Maher -- Ah, yes... rearing it's head, once again is (say it with me) ... the HBO. Mad props to the HBO for giving a home to Bill Maher after Politically Incorrect was completely hamstrung by ABC. Quite frankly, Bill needed to be on the HBO. Bill needed to be unfettered, as it were, to do the show that he wanted to do without the shackles of S&P (Standards & Practices) or the FCC crawling on (and in) his ass. I've been a fan of Bill Maher since his stand up comedy days. Hell, I was even a fan before he was in the movie Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death! The point is on this show. many a time have I thought it, and Bill has said it. Bill Maher (to me, at least ... again, no big surpirse here) has, and continues, to cut through all the bullshit surrounding an issue and go straight for the jugular. As has sometimes been said about yours truly, Bill Maher is often rude, frequently amicable, more times than not (dare I say it?) "politically incorrect", and always funny. [side note: Is anyone getting tired of me calling it "the HBO" yet? LMAO!!! ... heh heh ... (sigh) I don't care. Sometimes these things are just for my amusement. ]

Celebrity Poker Showdown -- To me, for the longest time, watching poker on television was just shy of watching a golf or a fishing show. Then CPS came along, and I caught it a couple of times (usually really late when there was nothing else on but informercials). It was pretty fun to watch, plus I had no idea how to play Texas Hold 'Em. So, I watched every now and then. I started paying attention to how they were playing. I'd listen to poker expert and co-host Phil Gordon on what each player was doing wrong and right. My intrest was piqued. This show slowly grew on me like a fungus. I really like this show now. I love to see how these comedians, actors and singers interact with each other. Even more, I even started playing Hold 'Em poker online to kill time. Beware this show. Start watching it at your own risk (especially if you're any kind of "gamer"). You will get hooked. You've been warned.

Honorable Mentions:
  • Dog, the Bounty Hunter -- Great show. Dog's the man. Hell, Ozzy even did the opening theme song. I'd watch this over COPS any day.
  • The Colbert Report - The Daily Show's new spin off show is great. Stephen Colbert is fantastic. Too new to get a feature spot, but I'm sure that'll change over time (if they don't cancel it ... I'm still mad about Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn going away, dammit.).
  • Inside the Actor's Studio -- Usually always interesting. Depending on the guest.
  • Whose Line Is It Anyway? -- Both versions (the U.K. reruns and Drew Carey's version ... although I've noticed they don't rerun the U.K. shows that Colin Mochrie and Ryan Stiles aren't in. Dammit.) are usually always funny. [side note: Drew Carey's Green Screen show which essentially is the same show on a chromakey ("green screen") background, is also pretty good]

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Good Television - Part 3: Sci-Fi / Supernatural

Actually, I've gone over this and over this in my head as to what shows I was going to feature in this part of the DAO "Good Television" series. I'm coming up short. To be certain, there are a number of sci-fi oriented shows out there, especially now in this fall season. There are, however, very few that I would call "good". Don't get me wrong. The networks get an "A" for effort for greenlighting so many supernatural/alien invasion shows (more than I can recall in a long while), but man... none of them have really tripped my trigger. On the other hand, there are some that have. [side note: as always... click on the picture for the larger image]

Transporter room? Four to beam up...

Battlestar Galactica -- Oh, I was so resistant to start watching this show. All last year, every single one of my friends were telling me how great it was. Honestly, I wondered, "How good can it be? Starbuck is a chick, for the luvva vanilla! Feh." Then, one of my best friends sat me down and made me watch the 2-hour pilot episode. Afterwards he turned to me and asked, "Well?" -- (long sigh from me) "Bring up the next episode," I said (he had most of them on his TiVo) as I feigned slight interest. The truth is, I was hooked 20 minutes into the pilot. This is not only the best sci-fi shows on television right now. It's one of the best (not THE best, just one of the best) science-fiction shows I've ever seen, period. The first season is out on a two DVD set. If you haven't watched Battlestar Galactica yet, I highly recommend you either buy it or rent it. It's good stuff, Maynard!

Justice League Unlimited -- Folks, I know what you're going to say. "C'mon... it's the Superfriends." Well, yes and no. It's the freaking Justice League! And it's a series that is being written by folks my age who grew up on the Superfriends... so, yeah, it's the "Superfriends" in as much as there's Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman (plus tons of other heroes), but it's done very, very ... well... cool. It's one of those rare cartoons that kids will enjoy on one level, but adults will get the intricacies of the plots. Make no mistake, although it is superheroes flying about fighting supervillains, subtle aspects of, oh say... an unconventional anti-hero governmental response to these superheroes is another thing entirely. Or, say, the fact that groups of supervillains are working together to form essentially a network of criminal terrorist cells. Or, for instance, a hero's long time fiancé is leading an alien invasion fleet attacking Earth. These stories would never be told like this back in the day. The show is smart. It's full of action. It's full of drama. The characters (pardon the pun) are not two dimensional. If Family Guy is the funniest half hour of animated television, Justice League is the best animated action/drama on television. I kid you not.

Smallville -- Admittedly, I gave this show a shot four years ago and it didn't hold my interest. It seemed very formulaic with Clark fighting people who had turned into a "superpowered dude of the week" from (of all things) kryptonite radiation (WTF!?!). Every week Clark discovers a new power as he goes through high school, dealing with high school stuff ... and Hey! Lo and behold, it's the same very new power he discovers that enables him to stop this week's bad guy. Honestly, I stopped watching it after that. But, several seasons in, it seems to have found its footing, and it's good. Still not great, but it's good. Good enough for me to have not missed an episode on this new season (plus, tonight's episode [October 20th] is going to guest star a young Aquaman. I'm so there for that!). It's also good enough that, quite frankly, I tend to think it was a mistake for Bryan Singer and Warner Bros. to continue the Christopher Reeve Superman movie franchise (the movie Superman Returns will be in theaters, Summer 2006) when they probably should've and could've launched Superman anew from this tv series with Tom Welling wearing the Big Red "S". Your milage may vary.

Lost -- Screw you! It's not just a drama. It's science fiction! If there's a hidden base on the island where a button has to be pushed every 108 minutes to keep the world from ending... it's science fiction. A word of warning. There's a reason why it was touted as the best television series of 2004. Warning! Watch this show at your own risk. You will get hooked. Believe me. I only started watching it with the last episode of the first season and it had me. (*sigh*) ... Dammit.


Honorable Mentions:

  • Nightstalker -- I'm digging that they are doing a remake of Kolchak: The Night Stalker. I've watched the first couple of episodes, and with me, the jury is still out as to whether or not I like it enough to keep watching. I will say, this show has the potential to be the next X-Files.
  • Ghost Whisperer -- It's Ghost meets The Sixth Sense. Decent concept, but a little too "touchy feely" for me at times.
  • Invasion -- Honestly, I haven't seen it and I've heard mixed reviews. Someone give me some input on this one.
  • Suface -- Same with this one. Someone out there is watching this, right?

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Good Television - Part 2: Drama

And we're continuing the "Good Television" series of posts. This time out I'm going to highlight some of what I believe to be, the best television drama out there right now. The kind of shows that make you wait that extra 5 minutes with a full bladder so you can pee during the commerical break so you won't miss a moment. [side note: oh, and you can click on the pictures for the larger image.]

So, without further ado...

House -- Frankly, I was estatic to hear that Hugh Laurie was going to star in a series here in America. Why do I say "here in America"? Because much to the surprise of some people I know, no one realized that he's British. I've been a long time Hugh Laurie fan, especially his three seasons on Rowan Atkinson's brilliantly funny Blackadder series. His comedic performances also stood out when he was along side fellow Blackadder alumnus, Stephen Fry (i.e. "A Bit of Fry & Laurie" and P.G. Wodehouse's "Jeeves & Wooster"). How utterly shocked was I that not only was Laurie playing an American in the role, but also hitting a homerun on the dramatic front as Dr. Gregory House. This show is great, and (although I could be wrong since Fox will cancel a show at the drop of a hat) I believe it will be a cornerstone program at Fox for a good long while (there... now I've cursed it). [side note: Sela Ward being in the cast doesn't hurt either. mrOWL!]

Rome -- I know. I know. Again, with the HBO! But, dammit, this show is quite possibly the best hour of dramatic television out there right now (granted we're all waiting for that new Sopranos season, but still). Rome has everything! Violence! Sex! Intrigue! Politics! History! Religion! Adventure! Granted, one could say the same of Deadwood. BUT SCREW THAT! That was a Western! Keep your Western! THIS IS THE BLOODY ROMAN EMPIRE!!! IT'S GREAT!!! ... er... um... ahem ... heh heh... Bit of personal preference showing, I know. I could write a whole entry on this show. Every character, every role, even down to the slightest supporting cast member, is performed at the highest level. Honestly, this show will sweep the Emmy's next year. You heard it here first. Yes. It is that good.


The West Wing -- Speaking of politics... this show still consistantly delivers. Great characters. Great cast. Engaging storylines. It's like the prize fighting champ of political drama. It just won't go down. It is so far beyond ABC's attempt at paddling in this particular pond with their "Commander In Chief" it's not even funny (sorry Gina Davis... you'd get points for playing a female President if Battlestar Galactica didn't beat you to that particular punch last year... [shrug], plus you're on opposite "My Name Is Earl", so with me... you're screwed). Oh, and I know the upcoming live Presidential debate show is completely a sweeps gimmick, but dammit, if it isn't a brilliant sweeps gimmick!








Boston Legal -- Two words: William. Shatner. 'Nuff said.






Honorable Mentions:
  • Desperate Housewives [I'm calling it a drama, even if some call it a comedy, and you can't ignore the ratings and the hype on this monster]
  • Every version of Law & Order [I would've included this above, as I think this show is absolutely riviting, but it would've taken three of my four "feature slots"]
  • Every version of C.S.I [Also not mentioned above for the same reason as L&O. This would've turned into the "C.S.I./L&O Only" entry.]
  • E.R. [still an excellent show, but I had to give mad props to Hugh Laurie as my "medical drama" pick first].

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Good Television - Part 1: Comedy

This is Part 1 of the DAO "Good Television" series. In this particular entry, we're talking comedy. If you aren't watching these shows, then your life is just a little gloomier than the rest of us. But, take heart! I'm here to change all that! Read the entries! Click the links! Check your local listings! C'mon... laugh along with the rest of us. If you are watching anything other than these shows for funny, you are wasting your time.

Let's start.

My Name Is Earl -- This is the best non-animated half hour of comedy on the airwaves right now!!! Period! Jason Lee (a huge favorite of mine, having sprung from Kevin Smith's View Askewniverse Jersey movies and into such films as Almost Famous, Vanilla Sky, et al) plays Earl, a former ne'er do well turned "trailer park philosopher". After discovering the concept of karma when he wins the lottery and is then immediately hit by a car, Earl makes a life changing decision to right all the wrongs he had done in his life. It's been said by many a television critic that this show has the same "feel" of the now classic Coen Brothers movie "Raising Arizona". This, friends, is not a bad thing, as each episode feels like a little mini-movie with characters that you can't help but fall in love with (for instance, the getting ever-thinner Ethan Suplee, who plays Earl's brother, is brilliant). I also love the fact that "Earl" doesn't rely on a laugh track to point out the funny bits. Trust me, if you're watching this show, YOU will provide the laugh track. There hasn't been an episode where I haven't on more than one occaision laughed out loud (and frankly, that is a mean feat). Watch this show!

The Office -- You ever walk into your workplace and think, "This would be a great television show?" Imagine if there were a camera crew showing up daily, watching and documenting the day-to-day aspects of your job. That, folks, is The Office. Plus, who would have thunk it?! NBC's version of the award winning BBC comedy of the same name is (*gasp!*) actually funny!! Steve Carell (from The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and the star of "The 40-Year Old Virgin") is great, but then again, I knew he would be. What pushes this show over the top is the rest of the cast. The mockumentary style of the show along with the fact that there seems to be a healthy dose of that "true-to-life" improvisation style that's usually reserved for those wonderful Christopher Guest movies (i.e. "Best in Show", "Waiting for Guffman", "A Mighty Wind") makes this seem like you're peeking in on any and every office workplace I've ever worked for (in one form or another). Brilliant stuff! Watch this show!

Curb Your Enthusiasm -- Now, I know a lot of folks don't pay extra to get the HBO (and yes, I know I used the definite article "the" in front of "HBO"... I like saying it that way, so from here on it's "the HBO"... think of it kind of like when some people say "the Batman" instead of just "Batman", 'kay?). If you do pay extra to get the HBO, then you MUST watch Curb Your Enthusiasm! There's really no choice in the matter. You have to do it. Consider this a prerequisite for having HBO in the first place. Larry David once again takes up the baton that was handed off by "Seinfeld" and has hit the ground running at a dead sprint with the fifth season of this fantastic show. Again, this is a show that is 80% improvisation and the third comedy on the list that is funny without a laugh track beating you over the head telling you it's funny. Just great stuff. If you get the HBO, watch this show!

Extras -- From Ricky Gervais, who launched "The Office" in the U.K., comes this absolutely brilliant half hour that, to me, is quickly starting to overshadow "Curb Your Enthusiasm" as the best comedy on the HBO (and folks, that's saying something). The show follows Ricky's character Andy Millman, a 40-something Englishman who has given up his day job in lieu of making his way into acting (which means going from film set to film set as an extra and trying to schmooze whoever he can for a speaking role). This is especially funny to me since my dear sister is in Hollywood at the moment doing practically the same thing. Each episode is on a different film set and features a guest star in each such as Kate Winslet, Ben Stiller and Patrick Stewart. It's a great look at the bottom rung of the film actor's ladder and shines the light on a seldom seen side of an aspect of an actor's life and filmmaking in general. Great stuff and painfully funny!

Family Guy -- If "Earl" is the funniest non-amimated half hour of television, then "Family Guy" is the funniest half hour of amimated television. Rising from cancellation limbo a few months ago, Seth MacFarlane has returned Family Guy back to the airwaves with a vengeance. It's edgy. It's oft times hilariously borderline offensive. It's always, always funny. If you don't know about, or haven't watched Family Guy yet (thinking perhaps that it's just a Simpsons derived equivalent of mental masturbation ... which... well, it is... but, frankly, it has completely surpassed the ever-weary, frayed-at-the-edges, played out Simpsons phenomenon), then you're missing out. Catch the syndicated re-runs on TBS or on the [adult swim] block of shows on Catoon Network. Watch it. Live it. Learn it. This is mandantory viewing!

(honorable mention [as in "funny enough to be mentioned, but at the moment, not worth the elaboration"] : Arrested Development, King of Queens, How I Met Your Mother, American Dad, Rodney)

Monday, October 10, 2005

Fun With Keywords

So, I discovered this really cool site tracking doo-hickey from Amanda, a fellow Blogster over at her Windows of My Soul blog (and Amanda is a cool chick, with some cool things to say, plus she pimps out DAO on her site with such prominance that until I get off my lazy ass and actually rewrite the HTML code to activate my Linkish Linky Things section, she's just going to have to settle for this not so subtle plug as my thanks).

Anyway, on this site tracker thingus, there's a bit where I can see who peeped DAO from a keyword search on the various search engines out there. Pretty cool, eh? Some of the keywords that were used didn't really surpise me, and one that did. Trust me. This is absolutely true.

Wierdly enough, the most used keyword was good ol' "Salami Rabiu" the dying, cancer-riddled billionare I mentioned several weeks ago who was trying to give me his "money" back in my "Stupid Spam" post.

Next is "Kelly Eslick", the name of one of the strippers at a Jacksonville, Arkansas gentlemen's club who was one of four entertainers that overly spanked a trucker on his birthday back in the now classic DAO entry "Funny News #2".

Lots of people found their way to the ol' DAO stompin' grounds by typing in variations of "How to treat your girlfriend" and winding up at my "I Know How To Treat My Wimmins" article. Good for them. Good luck guys. Treat 'em right. You're only as good as how you treat your significant other.

This is just a partial list, mind you, but all legitimate keyword searches to say the least. Right?

So imagine my surprise (and imagine someone else's complete and utter disappointment) when somehow they burst through the doors of DAO with a keyword ticket that read "women fucking horses".

Again, this is true.

Now I've gone back and reread everything I've ever typed on this blog. Nowhere, in any article, blog entry, post ... whatever you want to call it... nowhere until now have I ever mentioned "women fucking horses". How in the world did my poor blog come up from someone trying to find "women fucking horses"?? I don't talk about "women fucking horses" at all!! Some search engine somewhere really got their wires crossed. I've never mentioned any form of beastiality (or "bestiality" as the zoophiles like to call it) ever. Ever! None! Even with other animals! Not "women fucking dogs" or "dogs fucking women" or even "knotting" (the curious can e-mail me for a definition of "knotting" or "being tied" for the non K9 lovers out there ... and just because I know what it is doesn't mean I practice it) for instance.

BUT, (heh heh, I'm such a stinker) now that I have mentioned it ... I wonder how many people are going to wind up in DAO land looking for some wierd "animal love" and finding only me sitting here trying to decide which upcoming movies to talk about next.

Suckers.

MUAH-hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Oh! You can play along too. As of me viewing this post, the counter on the site reader is 821 (not bad since I only started counting the hits to this site about three weeks ago or so -- thanks one and all for reading my blatherings). Also note the time of the posting. It'll be interesting to see how quickly the site meter will jump above 1000 from the time I publish this entry (plus, how many of those visitors were looking for hot inter-species romance). In fact, if I had thought this through before, we could've had a betting pool as to when the 1000th DAO customer strolls through the front door. Ah, well.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Evil But Not Insane??

Bush, The Younger just gave a speech updating all of us about "The War On Terror" today. Now that the dust has settled and the water is mostly drained from those pesky hurricane distractions, I suppose it was time for him to try and regain ground in his abyssmal approval ratings by going back to the well and start beating the war drums again.

All news bits and quotes are pulled from a Reuters news story filed by Washington reporter Steve Holland.

"We will never back down, never give in and never accept anything less than complete victory," said Bush.

This is a perfect example of how different Bush's concept of reality is and the actual, real world reality in which we all live. This "War on Terror", much like "The War on Drugs", is a conflict that will never ever ever be a complete victory. Ever. Basically what Bush is saying is we will be in a perpetual, unending war that will cost thousands and thousands of more American soldiers and billions and billions more American dollars. Your money will be spent on this fallacy. Any sons, daughters, nephews, neices, uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters, fathers and mothers that serve in the armed forces will be sacrificed upon the alter of shaky conceptualized politics. This is beyond stupidity. This is borderline insanity.

It was part of a White House effort to rebuild waning American support for the Iraq war amid an upsurge of violence ahead of a planned October 15 referendum on an Iraqi constitution.

Bush firmly rejected those who demand a U.S. withdrawal from Iraq, saying to pull out would leave the country's fledgling government exposed to supporters of al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden and the group's leader in Iraq, Jordanian-born militant Abu Musab al-Zarqawi.

"Having removed a dictator and aided free peoples, we will not stand by as a new set of killers dedicated to the destruction of our own country seizes control of Iraq by violence," he said.

Right! How dare those new sets of killers seize control of Iraq when our sets of killers already did it. I mean, who do they think they are? Bastards! Copy cats! Get an original idea, you other sets of killers!

He [Bush] said the United States and its allies had disrupted 10 serious al Qaeda plots since the September 11, 2001, attacks, three inside the United States.

Where? What were they? Who was involved? What was supposed to happen? When was this? How did you disrupt them? Details, man! Don't just give arbitrary bullshit! You want support? Show us what you're doing. Don't just throw out a line like that and expect us to buy it. This idiot has lied more often and more seriously than Clinton ever did, and we're supposed to take his word for it that all this stuff has gone down? Proof, man! PROOF!!! Show it!

"The militants believe that controlling one country will rally the Muslim masses, enabling them to overthrow all moderate governments in the region and establish a radical Islamic empire that expands from Spain to Indonesia," Bush said.

Whereas Bush seemingly believes that controlling one country will rally the "right minded" thinking Democratic/Capatalist masses, enabling them to overthrow all moderate governments in the region and establish a radial Christian empire that would expand globally. What a complete and utter egomaniacal tool Bush is.

Citing recent attacks in London, Sharm el-Sheikh and Bali, Bush said while the bombings appeared random, they serve a clear ideology, "a set of beliefs that are evil but not insane," and gave a new name for the ideology: Islamo-fascism.

Oh, for the luvva... y'see? Do you see how he has to qualify it now? This is a war on a religious sect. Not Islamic Muslums as a whole. Just those "far right wing" Islamic Muslums. It's Christian-fundamentalism versus Islamo-fascism. Can you say, "Recipe for Disaster?" I thought you could.

"Evil but not insane".... would that make Bush insane but not evil? No real evil intent, just a detachment from reality that is horribly, horribly dangerous to not just Americans but to the world abroad. Hmmm...

"Wars are not won without sacrifice, and this war will require more sacrifice, more time, and more resolve. The terrorists are as brutal an enemy as we have ever faced," he [Bush] said.

It's an IDEALISM! It's a thought process! It's a radical arm of a RELIGION! This can't be fought. This can't be extinguished. This can not be erradicated! It doesn't matter how much more sacrifice, more time and more resolve you have. This is folly. This is foolhardy. This never ever can or will be won!!

Ever.

Americans are slowly starting to realize this fact. Last month a CNN/Gallup/USA Today poll said only 32 percent of Americans approved of Bush's handling of the war. Where's your mandate now, Bush? Even your supporters are starting to admit you're an idiot.

"State sponsors like Syria and Iran have a long history of collaboration with terrorists and they deserve no patience from the victims of terror. The United States makes no distinction between those who commit acts of terror and those who support and harbor them because they're equally as guilty of murder," he [Bush] said.

Here we go. The whole, "They who help the "terrorists" are going to get their asses handed to them" song and dance again. All this is people is an excuse for a new target. Y'see, the tricky bit about being at war with a thought is you can't exactly bomb something that is intangible. But a sovereign nation that may or may not have some of those thoughts in it? Oh, well... we can crank up our horribly bad, jingoistic, lowest common denomonator country music and bomb the shit out of them while screaming "Yeee Haa!"

There was a time when the name bin Laden rarely crossed Bush's lips publicly -- partly it seemed to avoid raising the issue of why the United States had failed to track him down -- but Bush invoked the name of the elusive al Qaeda leader several times in making the case against bin Laden's style of Islam.

"Bin Laden says his own role is to tell Muslims: 'What is good for them and what is not.' And what this man who grew up in wealth and privilege considers good for poor Muslims is that they become killers and suicide bombers. He assures them that this is the road to paradise, though he never offers to go along for the ride," Bush said.

I agree. A dude that grew up in wealth and privilege telling folks what's good for them and what isn't, then sending people out to kill other people; feeling all self reightous about it but never himself personally getting his hands dirty?

Yeah. I hate guys like that.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

The Shining: Redux

Here at DAO, I always try to acknowledge genius and creative moves in entertainment. This is one of those stories.

A few weeks ago, 25 year old film editor's assistant, Robert Ryang, working in Manhattan, entered a contest sponsored by the New York chapter of the Association of Independent Creative Editors. The contest? To take a movie... any movie and cut a new trailer (preview) for it BUT (and here's the catch) present it in a completely different genre. The only modifications that were allowed were sound and dialog.

Robert chose Stanley Kubrick's The Shining and recut a trailer to make it a feel-good family comedy.

Robert's trailer very gently crept onto the internet through a friend's blog site almost two weeks ago. In the last two days, and 24,000+ downloads later, the trailer started making its rounds through the film community (the filmmakers and the film enthusiasts [y'know... like me]). In less than two weeks Robert has now been contacted by a vice-president of a major Hollywood studio interested in his talents.

Good for you Robert! Way to go, man! This is hilarious and you deserve every bit of recognition you get from it.

Moral of the story: Sometimes all it takes for your life to change is one good idea.

Here's the link to Robert's brilliant trailer in glorious Quicktime.