Still Think We're The Good Guys?

It's no great secret that I'm against "the war". Hell, I'm not even sure who we're fighting at this point. Terrorists? Iraqi insurgents? Any Muslum that wanders in our crosshairs? All of the above?

For my seemingly weekly (weakly?) news/comment post, here's a little diddy that Reuters reporter Will Dunham wrote that came across the wire a little over an hour ago. As always, here's the report in it's entireity [with my comments].


US defends use of white phosphorus

By Will Dunham [... who, as far as I know... no relation to comedian/ventriliquist Jeff Dunham (who is making a nice comeback, by the way. Sorry Jeff, I know you really never "went away".)]

The Pentagon on Wednesday acknowledged using incendiary white-phosphorus munitions in a 2004 counterinsurgency offensive in the Iraqi city of Falluja, but defended their use as legal. [Of course he did. If we do it, it's perfectly legal.]

Army Lt. Col. Barry Venable, a Pentagon spokesman, said the U.S. military had not used the highly flammable weapons against civilians, contrary to an Italian state television report this month which said the weapons were used against men, women and children in Falluja who were burned to the bone. [Well, c'mon ... with all those civilians running around a few of them are bound to get hit. C'mon Italy! It's not like we were actually aiming at those Iraqi women-folk! Not with our illegal chemical weapons we weren't! I mean LEGAL! We were using these illegal chemical weapons legally! It's kind of like having a perscription for "medical" marajuana. Think of it that way. Plus, it's really hard to aim that Willy Pete (that's the rumored slang term for White Phosphorus). And those kids? Well, it was like Jim Henson's Irsurgancy Babies out there. They had to be taken out!]

"We categorically deny that claim," Venable said.

"It's part of our conventional-weapons inventory and we use it like we use any other conventional weapon," added Bryan Whitman, another Pentagon spokesman. ["I mean, if you want to talk WMD's, don't even get me started on how many nukes on ICBMs we still have active," he continued. "These people need to count their blessings to Allah (or whoever) that the President doesn't just get bored with this whole 'war thing' and we start dropping those babies! He's already commisioned military artists to draw pictures of crucifixes and the face of Jesus on most of our nukes. Let me tell you, those Muslums will shit their robes when they see the true dipiction of our Lord and Savior with his true northern Eurpoean caucasion complexion and his piercing blue eyes bearing down on them on a missile of Holy Redemtion!"]

Venable said white phosphorus is not outlawed or banned by any convention [which is a lie]. However, a protocol to the 1980 Convention on Conventional Weapons forbids using incendiary weapons against civilians or against military targets amid concentrations of civilians. [See? But, lo! What light from yonder loophole breaks?]

The United States did not sign the protocol. [heh heh... ain't we a stinker?]

White phosphorus munitions are primarily used by the U.S. military to make smoke screens and mark targets, but also as an incendiary weapon, the Pentagon said. They are not considered chemical weapons. [This may be confusing. It's a chemical. It's used as a weapon. But it's not a "chemical weapon"? Well, if you want to split hairs, that's actually correct. Incendiary agents such as napalm and phosphorus are not considered to be CW (chemical weapon) agents since they achieve their effect mainly through thermal energy.] The substance ignites easily in air at temperatures of about 86 F (30 C), and its fire can be difficult to extinguish. [Actually, it's damn near impossible to extinguish, unless you can flush the burned area with water and/or saline mixed with coppor sulphate. And you know there's lots of that stuff just laying around out there in those desert towns.]

U.S. forces used the white phosphorus during a major offensive launched by Marines in Falluja, about 30 miles (50 km) west of Baghdad, to flush out insurgents. The battle in November of last year involved some of the toughest urban fighting of the 2-1/2-year war.

Venable said that in the Falluja battle, "U.S. forces used white phosphorous both in its classic screening mechanism and ... when they encountered insurgents who were in foxholes and other covered positions who they could not dislodge any other way." [Whatever happened to lobbing a damn grenade? I know when I was doing my Army training we had to throw grenades all the time. And if you can't throw it that far, whatever happened to using a grenade launcher? Perfectly legal stuff there. Gunpowder... metal shrapnel... not the chemical kind that will continuously burn into your flesh with a white hot flame, just good ol' normal metal shards ripping into you? Whatever happened to that? Too mundane? Not flashy enough?]

He said the soldiers employed what they call a "shake-and-bake" technique of using white phosphorus shells to flush enemies out of hiding then using high explosives to kill them. [Emphasis on "bake", I guess. I can see an interview with a soldier at the time, "Well, we had these insurgents that we just couldn't decide what to do with, plus it was only 45 minutes until chow time. So, we decided to cook them up with a little 'shake-and-bake'."

Pan down to a 5 year old little girl, wearing a kool-aid stained t-shirt with the words "Git 'Er Done" above a Confederate Flag. loading another white phosphorous shell into a launcher, "And I ha-yulped."]

The Italian documentary showed images of bodies recovered after the Falluja offensive, which it said proved the use of white phosphorus against civilians. [Actually, in my meager research on this story before I decided to comment on it, I saw some of those pictures. Lots of crispy dead people. One was a baby. I guess it's called "friendly fire" (bad pun) or "acceptable losses" or "inadvertant casualties". I guess the point is, we probably shouldn't have used what most of the rest of the world considers illegal chemical weapons, but hey ... I guess America's arguement is, "Die from being chemically roasted to death or die from a bullet... dead is still dead."]

"We don't target any civilians with any of our weapons. And to suggest that U.S. forces were targeting civilians with these weapons would simply be wrong," Whitman said. [Two words here: Collateral Damage. Note he's not saying that civilians weren't killed. We just weren't directly aiming at them. Which, of course, makes it perfectly okay.]

The Hard Five

For the longest time, I've had this list that I call "The Hard Five". Other people have different names for it, but essentially it is a list of people (usually celebrities) that, if you have a "significant other", you are allowed to "be with" whoever is on your list.

You get the idea.

Anyway, my "Hard Five" is constantly in flux. I pull people in and out of the bottom two slots all the time. Currently here is how it stands now (and yes, there is somewhat of a theme):







1) Janeane Garofalo -- She's held the #1 slot for several years now. Thankfully the break up with The Former Girlfriend, who bore more than a passing resemblance to Ms. Garofalo, didn't tumble Janeane off the list.

















2) Rachael Harris -- Moving up the list from her normal lock in the #4 spot, Racheal has the distiction of being the only blonde on the list.
















3) Tina Fey -- Notice the trend yet?
















4) Julia Louis-Dreyfus -- Okay... fine... so I couldn't immediately find a picture of Julia Louis-Dreyfus with a pair of glasses on, so in her true comedic fashion, this will have to do.


















5) Alex Borstien -- What can I say? My weakness for cute, funny, curvy, short brunettes creeps in even on my Hard Five (and that combo always trumps the whole "glasses" thing).









So class... aside from my "glasses fetish", can anyone tell me what all five of these women have in common?

:)

"Face It. You Can't Torquemada Anything!"

Bush the Younger gave a speech today from Panama City.

Here's the Associated Press news story with, as always, [my comments].


Bush Declares: 'We Do Not Torture'

By DEB RIECHMANN, Associated Press Writer

President Bush vigorously defended U.S. interrogation practices in the war on terror Monday and lobbied against a congressional drive to outlaw torture. [Read that again. He's defending the interrogation methods, but at the same time he doesn't want Congress to outlaw torture. Seems to me, if the interrogation methods are sound, outlawing torture shouldn't (or wouldn't) make a difference. Right?]

"There's an enemy that lurks and plots and plans and wants to hurt America again," Bush said. "So you bet we will aggressively pursue them but we will do so under the law."

He declared, "We do not torture." ["As far as you know, I mean. Besides, that word 'torture', is so relative. I mean, I understand my daughters like to be spanked while having sex. Heh... I know Laura does. Is that torture? Heck, no. Although if we spanked prisoners, I'm sure those liberal Democrats or that trucker from Bald Knob, Arkansas would call it 'torture'. Lemme tell ya. This whole 'torture' thing is out of hand. Folks just need to stay out of our business."]

Over White House opposition, the Senate has passed legislation banning torture. [Remember folks, this is a Republican controlled Senate, and they still voted to ban torture over Presidential protest.] With Vice President Dick Cheney as the point man, the administration is seeking an exemption for the CIA. [I can hear it now, "Okay. Okay. So our Army, Marines and the F.B.I. can't torture people, but c'mon ... you gotta let the C.I.A. do their thing. I mean, keeping them from torturing people... that's just not cool. That's how they roll."] It was recently reported that the spy agency maintains a network of prisons in eastern Europe and Asia, where it holds terrorist suspects. [and tortures them... apparently. And who else is surprised we have a friggin' network of prisons in foreign lands?]

The European Union is investigating the reports, which have not been confirmed by the White House. The story was first reported by The Washington Post. [Evidentally the E.U. was just as surprised as you and I are.]

"Our country is at war and our government has the obligation to protect the American people," Bush said. "Any activity we conduct is within the law. We do not torture." ["Well, except the C.I.A. Again, that's how they roll."]

Bush pointedly noted that Congress as well as the White House has an obligation to protect U.S. citizens.
Not only is the Republican-controlled Congress challenging an element of Bush's policy, but the Supreme Court agreed Monday to consider a challenge to the administration's handling of military tribunals for foreign terror suspects. [Do you get the feeling that the Republicans are feeling like they are backing the wrong horse in this race?] The case, which won't be decided for months, [Big surprise there. I mean, Bush has to get his judges in place first before this sort of thing is decided.] is a major test of presidential wartime powers.
The United States is holding hundreds of foreign terrorism suspects, also, at the military base at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. [Foreign terrorism guests of the United States, stay at beautiful, sunny "Gitmo Resort and Spa" ... Come for the horrid tropical humidty. Stay for the unchallenged C.I.A. sponsored torture!]

Bush spoke at a news conference with Panamanian President Martin Torrijos on last day of five-day Latin America trip. Bush was ending the day in Virginia, where he was to campaign for Republican gubernatorial candidate Jerry Kilgore just ahead of Election Day.

On another issue, Bush ducked a question about the CIA leak investigation, declining to say whether he has lived up to his campaign pledge in 2000 to abide by the spirit of federal ethics laws.

"We take this investigation very seriously and we'll continue to cooperate during the investigation," he said. [At this rate, continuing to cooperate means, "We're going to stall the living Hell out of this until you get tired of wanting an answer. In the meantime ... two words to distract you from it. BIRD FLU!"]

Bush expressed his condolences to victims of a tornado that hit Indiana over the weekend. ["I also lost the betting pool," Bush continued with a smirk. "I had $100 that the next natural disaster was going to hit a 'blue state'."]