"Face It. You Can't Torquemada Anything!"

Bush the Younger gave a speech today from Panama City.

Here's the Associated Press news story with, as always, [my comments].


Bush Declares: 'We Do Not Torture'

By DEB RIECHMANN, Associated Press Writer

President Bush vigorously defended U.S. interrogation practices in the war on terror Monday and lobbied against a congressional drive to outlaw torture. [Read that again. He's defending the interrogation methods, but at the same time he doesn't want Congress to outlaw torture. Seems to me, if the interrogation methods are sound, outlawing torture shouldn't (or wouldn't) make a difference. Right?]

"There's an enemy that lurks and plots and plans and wants to hurt America again," Bush said. "So you bet we will aggressively pursue them but we will do so under the law."

He declared, "We do not torture." ["As far as you know, I mean. Besides, that word 'torture', is so relative. I mean, I understand my daughters like to be spanked while having sex. Heh... I know Laura does. Is that torture? Heck, no. Although if we spanked prisoners, I'm sure those liberal Democrats or that trucker from Bald Knob, Arkansas would call it 'torture'. Lemme tell ya. This whole 'torture' thing is out of hand. Folks just need to stay out of our business."]

Over White House opposition, the Senate has passed legislation banning torture. [Remember folks, this is a Republican controlled Senate, and they still voted to ban torture over Presidential protest.] With Vice President Dick Cheney as the point man, the administration is seeking an exemption for the CIA. [I can hear it now, "Okay. Okay. So our Army, Marines and the F.B.I. can't torture people, but c'mon ... you gotta let the C.I.A. do their thing. I mean, keeping them from torturing people... that's just not cool. That's how they roll."] It was recently reported that the spy agency maintains a network of prisons in eastern Europe and Asia, where it holds terrorist suspects. [and tortures them... apparently. And who else is surprised we have a friggin' network of prisons in foreign lands?]

The European Union is investigating the reports, which have not been confirmed by the White House. The story was first reported by The Washington Post. [Evidentally the E.U. was just as surprised as you and I are.]

"Our country is at war and our government has the obligation to protect the American people," Bush said. "Any activity we conduct is within the law. We do not torture." ["Well, except the C.I.A. Again, that's how they roll."]

Bush pointedly noted that Congress as well as the White House has an obligation to protect U.S. citizens.
Not only is the Republican-controlled Congress challenging an element of Bush's policy, but the Supreme Court agreed Monday to consider a challenge to the administration's handling of military tribunals for foreign terror suspects. [Do you get the feeling that the Republicans are feeling like they are backing the wrong horse in this race?] The case, which won't be decided for months, [Big surprise there. I mean, Bush has to get his judges in place first before this sort of thing is decided.] is a major test of presidential wartime powers.
The United States is holding hundreds of foreign terrorism suspects, also, at the military base at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. [Foreign terrorism guests of the United States, stay at beautiful, sunny "Gitmo Resort and Spa" ... Come for the horrid tropical humidty. Stay for the unchallenged C.I.A. sponsored torture!]

Bush spoke at a news conference with Panamanian President Martin Torrijos on last day of five-day Latin America trip. Bush was ending the day in Virginia, where he was to campaign for Republican gubernatorial candidate Jerry Kilgore just ahead of Election Day.

On another issue, Bush ducked a question about the CIA leak investigation, declining to say whether he has lived up to his campaign pledge in 2000 to abide by the spirit of federal ethics laws.

"We take this investigation very seriously and we'll continue to cooperate during the investigation," he said. [At this rate, continuing to cooperate means, "We're going to stall the living Hell out of this until you get tired of wanting an answer. In the meantime ... two words to distract you from it. BIRD FLU!"]

Bush expressed his condolences to victims of a tornado that hit Indiana over the weekend. ["I also lost the betting pool," Bush continued with a smirk. "I had $100 that the next natural disaster was going to hit a 'blue state'."]