Where The Hell Have I Been?!?

A fair question. A question that deserves an answer, I suppose.

So, here I am in Springfield, Illinois. I've been here a little over a month, actually. Cohabitation with fair Kimberly is going well. No real fights between the two of us. The closest thing to a real argument we've had was when I ate the last of the chocolate cake that Georgia (her mom) sent over... but we won't get into all that. Suffice it to say, it was (as you could well imagine) delicious.

I never thought living in Illinois would be much different than living in Arkansas. Turns out I was wrong. The differences are subtle; almost unnoticable to the unobservant. I've likened it to waking up and finding yourself in some alternate universe. An alternate universe that is just slightly off-center to what one is accustomed to. So, I've decided to give you a few examples of what I've noticed so far.

The Top 5 Subtle Differences Between Arkansas and Illinois:

1) No Southern Accents -- Oh, bless 'em, these people try. Oh, how they do try to speak in a southern accent. Mostly when they do try however, it comes out very forced. Honestly, it hurts my ears when they do it. Slowly I'm adapting to Mid-Western Speak so I can blend in (it's not that tough for me really, especially since on the whole most of these people have no discernible accent whatsoever [which is one of those subtle, unnerving things you don't pick up on until weeks after you've been here.].)

2) The Trees Haven't Started Budding Yet -- Well, none that I've seen at least. It's March for crying out loud and the grass is just now starting to turn green again. By now, back in Arkansas things should have already started to green up and flower beds should have yellow explosions of daffodils. Here? Nothing. Don't get me wrong. Anyone who knows me knows I love winter, but my internal clock is screaming "It's Springtime Already!!!" and it just isn't that time up here yet. Weird.

3) An Amazing Lack Of Bar-B-Que -- Kim made bar-b-que chicken wings several nights ago and I ate them like an Ethiopian getting a visit from Sally Struthers. It's weird what you miss when you've had it so available to you your whole life. Which brings me to ...

4) There Are No Waffle Houses ANYWHERE! -- You read that correctly my southern readers. There isn't a single Waffle House in this entire city. Try and wrap your mind around that bit of info for a second or two.

5) No Confederate Flags -- Yes, yes. I understand I'm in the north now. But being in the north doesn't mean there aren't rednecks up here (there are). I also understand I'm living in Abe Lincoln Central which really doesn't leave one to expect the Illinois version of a redneck to brandish a Confederate Flag on the back window of their pick-up truck. I get that. But here's where it really struck me. If you go to a convenience store in Arkansas and see a display of Official Larry the Cable Guy "Git - 'Er - Done" talking cigarette lighters, I'll bet you real money it'll have a Confederate Flag on it. Not here. Up here it's an American Flag. That's the subtle difference.

Subtle differences and all, it's nice up here and being with Kim makes it all the nicer. The funny thing is there are similarities between Arkansas and Illinois as well (which makes those differences all the more insidious, but I digress). I'll cover those later. Right now, I'm going downstairs to make a gallon of sweet tea, fry some ham, make a skillet of corn bread and cook some turnip greens before I go completely into withdrawal.

Nice to be back on DAO, y'all!